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Wednesday, January 14, 2004

President Bush unveiled a plan to spend $1.5 billion to promote marriage, especially among low income couples. The move was seen as great news for the thousands of couples nationwide who were unaware of this “marriage” idea, and instead had just been declaring their love by disrobing, rubbing raw meat on each other, and declaring their undying allegiance to Larry Flynt.

The administration said the move is a response to conservative fears that the institution of marriage is under attack, fears that arose after the state of Massachusetts gave gays the right to marry, and after Dick Cheney recently subjected the secret location he’d been hiding in to a Queer Eye makeover.

Many couples are opposing the Bush plan, saying that they were aware of the concept of marriage, but rejected it because they still plan on having sex.

Part of the money will be spent on counseling to help couples nurture interpersonal skills that sustain “healthy marriages.” The counseling program will be developed by Republican presidential advisors Henry Hyde and Newt Gingrich.

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